Moving in the Spirit...

Since I am recording my physical attempts at the Sprint Triathlon, I thought I should also record my (even more important) spiritual journey to Intentional Discipleship.

Since my church took on the Intentional Discipleship program, I have started serving as a Care Group leader. A Care Group is essentially a group of Christians who gather on a regular basis to pray, worship, fellowship, and learn the Word. My Care Group is called "Life With Christ", and it has been a huge blessing to me - more than I can reasonably express! Recently I have also started helping out with the Toddler's Ministry in my home church - I must admit I look kinda silly leading the songs and little dances, but the Lord has put the love of young children in my heart. I can honestly say that I now find great joy in both areas of ministry in church.

I feel rather strongly that both areas of ministry have been the calling of our Lord, and the testimony is a confirmation of many things that are very personal to me. I am sharing this in the hope that through it, the Holy Spirit will also speak to some of you, as clearly as He is speaking to me and teaching me.

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Transformed from the inside

For a few weeks before my encounter with the Lord, I had been struggling with a lot of anger and frustration. I felt anger and dislike against most of the pastors and leaders in our church. I was also angry with some of my friends in church. I was even envious of one of my close friends who was moving powerfully in the Spirit.

I felt alienated every time I went to the Care Group (CG) leaders meeting or church services, like a stranger who could not get along with anyone.

I knew that I was unjustified in all of this, yet I could not explain my negative feelings.

My struggle with God

During my quiet time, I realized that I was on dangerous ground with the Lord. Major struggles would occur at night, when I would try to sleep, and could not. Jeremiah 32:40 came to mind: “I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear Me, so that they will never turn away from Me.” I kept asking the Lord to “inspire me to fear Him” and not to smite me in His anger, nor to turn away from me. I think it was the night before the Wednesday CG leaders’ meeting that I came to the “apex” of my struggles. I cried to the Lord that the price He wanted was too high - how could I give up everything to him? My fears and problems - those were OK to give up - but how could I give up my ambitions, my desires, my pride, my anger - EVERYTHING!!!???

My encounter with God

The next day, I turned up at the Wednesday CG leaders’ meeting just for the sake of attending. I was feeling totally out of it.

The pastors were teaching us how to minister in prayer in church, and at one point, one of them said something to the effect that “to increase in the authority of your ministry, you must submit to the line of authority God has set in place for His church - eg pastors accountable to God, you accountable to the pastors, etc...” For some reason, I felt that God was speaking straight to my heart, and I immediately told God that I would submit to all the pastors, the leaders etc.. That was when I started feeling the presence of the Lord with me.

Later, we were called up by the pastor for “impartation” - essentially praying for us in order to equip us for the Ministry. As I stood in line waiting to be prayed for, I continued to pray my prayer of confession and submission - it was nothing intelligent, I simply kept repeating “I submit” and listed all the things I submitted - my ambition, my wants (each one in turn), my fears, etc. So here I was, distracted by what was going on, and trying to concentrate on my prayer. Then as the pastor went down the line towards me, I started to shake. It began in my hands which were held facing up (as though ready to receive something), and as he got nearer to me, I started shaking more and more. All this time I still felt in control of my body, in the sense that I think I could probably have stopped shaking if I had wanted to.

When he got to me, he held both my hands, between the thumb and first finger. I remember him saying something like “It is time for you to move in the Spirit”. I starting shaking even more. Then I heard him say “There he goes…” to the helpers. I realised that I was “wobbling” but still trying to hold myself up with my calf muscles. He said something like “Relax, just receive” and so I did. I gently collapsed on my back.

I was conscious, and felt in control of my body. When I submitted to the Holy Spirit, I did not fall back on my own accord, neither was I flung back. I did not feel the usual sensations of being moved to tears, nor warmth in my body; instead I felt cold, and was shaking from my hands to my jaws to my legs. It was the first time in my life I felt this way. Quite a lot of us were shaking, and I know at least one lady who totally lost control of her body. For me, I felt that I was always in control of my body, but each time I submitted to the Lord (in prayer and in thought), my shaking increased. It was like I could control how much I want to submit to the Holy Spirit and each time I did, I shook. For me, the experience was not so much of elation or being moved by God, but a very humbling experience. True to His word, God had indeed sent the Holy Spirit to “inspire me to fear Him”.

How have I changed?

I still disagree with some of the things the pastors and leaders may say, and those who know me know that I am still the same brute of a guy, but I now KNOW that when I serve, I have to serve under God’s terms and not my own. I submit to the authority God has placed in the pastors and leaders, and also in all of you as my brothers and sisters.

Where there was anger, God has put His love. I find that I am less
quick to disagree or judge the pastors and leaders now, and I truly love each of them, and am moved to pray for them, obey them, and generally hold them in high regard. I think I am now better able to see how God sees them, and because of that it is more natural for me to submit to their authority over me. I still struggle (though less than before) and I still have fears, but I also have a renewed conviction that our God is real, and He is true to His word, to inspire us to fear Him. His presence is so real to me now and it is easier for me to praise Him and obey Him.

Since then I have confessed to my CG about my unjustified anger and I also have to confessed to my wife for not listening to her and even getting angry with her for no apparent reason.

My plea

Come to the Lord and seek His Presence wherever you are! Come with an expectation and eagerness to experience Him in a real way. Bring whatever burdens, thanksgiving, ambitions, plans, etc you have and surrender them to Him. If you feel comfortable, ask your pastor/leaders for prayer and ask to experience the touch of the Holy Spirit. If you are not, come anyway and let God speak to you in a personal way.

To be honest, I am still trying to figure out what exactly is means to "move in the Spirit". So maybe you can also pray that God will grant me wisdom.

God Bless!